Aside

Assalamualaikum…

Assalamualaikum wr. wb.

 

Hari ni dapat serangan inferority complex yang aku tak suka.

Manusia kan, memang tak reti bersyukur.

Allah tak bagi semua perkara sepertimana yang kita nak. I’m yet to learn this.

I’m yet to learn what it means to accept life and learn from mistakes.

Aku tahu accumulated marks aku rendah. Dah lama dah aku tahu.

Tapi hari ni aku tension sikit. (Mungkin sebab aku tengah uzur. Just, maybe.)

Meluat jugak aku tengok markah2 aku ni. Menyesal. Ya, menyesal.

Sikit2, aku tengok balik apa yang patut aku baiki. Kembali melalui cerita2 dahulu.

Pahit. Uh. Salah aku kah? 

This is not a good thing to talk about. But this is what I’m feeling right now.

Knowing that I had failed to become the person I wanted to be, 

I am now certain that..

I have to travel farther, spend more money, face more diificulties.

I want to be a learner again. I want to pay that back.

I want more ‘marks’.

Advertisements

One thought on “Assalamualaikum…

  1. I wrote a lot but then my super slow network made them all deleted. Anyway from the things i wanted to say is that by the time u graduated, u and all of ur course mates are standing on the same level. Nobody is upper and nobody is lower, everyone has the same chance to get upper and lower and that is the moment you get into a real life of ‘cure’, Some people do the best to gain names and money but well, do as ur hero Dr. Ishom did, he opens his heart to people, and people open their hearts to him. you know him better though. And well, so far nobody really win with marks. Marks usually are so objective, but your intelligence is very very subjective and what u think people like Dr. Ishom has gained out of his experience as a dentist? It is so obvious to me that he gained Emotional Intelligence. So now ask yourself what kinds of intelligence are you longing for? or what kinds of intelligence are you weeping n feeling so disturbed about?
    You know, as i look back into my life, Im amazed by what Allah has done to me. HE gave me ALL i was wishing for. I cant ignore this fact. You see, I dont know any worse student than me myself. I was a black sheep and you know what happened to my roller coaster but do i regret for all that? well. we all know what we have done to the blessings that Allah has given us and wallah we cant pretend to lie that we do know every hell mistake we have done that contribute to our regrets. but dont you think that everything that came along our way is HIS plan too? every single of it. I believe so. i believe Allah knows me and how far I could be messed up with life and how far I could give colors to my life and HE wanted me to get into things that can make me better greater and wiser and dont call me stuck-up when I say I could feel I can define life much better than ever before, to the extend that I cant imagine what would happen to me if all these dont get into what I call it ‘life’.
    Am I proud of making mistakes and getting into all the troubles?. No I dont but I am satisfied. This is the word I appreciate in the dictionary. Satisfaction. Over what? Over being able to make decision and get through it. I banged my head over all the decisions I made, the good and bad about every single of it. To be honest, Odessa was my university, not Odessa State of Medical University. I just knew what marks I actually brought home the moment I was there in the flight leaving my Odessa University. And that kinds of marks that bother me lot.
    Well, whenever u feel stress about something, just take a deep breath and tell urself that Life is indeed, indeed Mysterious. You just dont know how u gona end all this.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s