Troubles in my head.. fear of the unknown future. I feel like something big is going to happen. Something that my strength and emotion could not contain.. that will break my heart apart, as once happened when I was a fifth year student..

I hope nothing bad is going to really happen.. I have been trying to conceal my worries. I dont want to be that weak person. But I asked Fiza today, “Fiza, do I look depressed?”.

She answered, “No. You dont look depressed.” I was relieved.

“But you do look tired. When we came here working you looked much better.”

Yeah.. I know. Because something really happened.

I am grateful to Allah that Fiza is here. She is such a good and reliable friend.

I dont wear makeups. What made me look differently is what is inside me. My heart, my mind. A lot is going on. Not that they are so difficult to deal with. But as I said, I feel like my future is going to be ‘big’. Maybe a difficult one.

May Allah make it easy for me.

Sometimes I do feel like somebody is hating me. I dont know why. Maybe because I hate some people too? I asked Fiza about it today. Fiza said she thought the same thing. Meaning, maybe she has an idea that someone is disliking me.

People are complicated. There is no power and strength except Allah. I have no strength to control what I could not.

If life is going to be tough, it is the best life for me. I thank Allah for everything….


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